Saturday 29 March 2008

Leonardo's animals

Leonardo's animals (Also their virtues and vices).

The alepo.

The fish [alepo] does not live out of water.

The ant.

The ant, by her natural foresight provides in the summer for the winter, killing the seeds she harvests that they may not germinate, and on them, in due time she feeds.

The amphisbolena.

This has two heads, one in its proper place the other at the tail; as if one place were not enough from which to fling its venom.

The asp.

This carries instantaneous death in its fangs; and, that it may not hear the charmer it stops its ears with its tail.

The bite of this animal cannot be cured unless by immediately cutting out the bitten part. This pestilential animal has such a love for its mate that they always go in company. And if, by mishap, one of them is killed the other, with incredible swiftness, follows him who has killed it; and it is so determined and eager for vengeance that it overcomes every difficulty, and passing by every troop it seeks to hurt none but its enemy. And it will travel any distance, and it is impossible to avoid it unless by crossing water and by very swift flight. It has its eyes turned inwards, and large ears and it hears better than it sees.

The wild ass.

The wild ass, when it goes to the well to drink, and finds the water troubled, is never so thirsty but that it will abstain from drinking, and wait till the water is clear again.

The basilisk.

The basilisk is so utterly cruel that when it cannot kill animals by its baleful gaze, it turns upon herbs and plants, and fixing its gaze on them withers them up.

All snakes flie from this creature; but the weasel attacks it by means of rue and kills it.

This [the basilisk] is found in the province of Cyrenaica and is not more than 12 fingers long. It has on its head a white spot after the fashion of a diadem. It scares all serpents with its whistling. It resembles a snake, but does not move by wriggling but from the centre forwards to the right. It is said that one of these, being killed with a spear by one who was on horse-back, and its venom flowing on the spear, not only the man but the horse also died. It spoils the wheat and not only that which it touches, but where it breathes the grass dries and the stones are split.

The bat.

The bat, owing to unbridled lust, observes no universal rule in pairing, but males with males and females with females pair promiscuously, as it may happen.

The more light there is the blinder this creature becomes; as those who gaze most at the sun become most dazzled. For Vice, that cannot remain where Virtue appears.

The bear.

It is said of the bear that when it goes to the haunts of bees to take their honey, the bees having begun to sting him he leaves the honey and rushes to revenge himself. And as he seeks to be revenged on all those that sting him, he is revenged on none; in such wise that his rage is turned to madness, and he flings himself on the ground, vainly exasperating, by his hands and feet, the foes against which he is defending himself.

The beaver.

We read of the beaver that when it is pursued, knowing that it is for the virtue [contained] in its medicinal testicles and not being able to escape, it stops; and to be at peace with its pursuers, it bites off its testicles with its sharp teeth, and leaves them to its enemies.

The king of the bees.

We may liken the virtue of Justice to the king of the bees which orders and arranges every thing with judgment. For some bees are ordered to go to the flowers, others are ordered to labour, others to fight with the wasps, others to clear away all dirt, others to accompagny and escort the king; and when he is old and has no wings they carry him. And if one of them fails in his duty, he is punished without reprieve.

The bison.

This beast is a native of Paeonia and has a neck with a mane like a horse. In all its other parts it is like a bull, excepting that its horns are in a way bent inwards so that it cannot butt; hence it has no safety but in flight, in which it flings out its excrement to a distance of 400 braccia in its course, and this burns like fire wherever it touches.

The boa(?).

This is a very large snake which entangles itself round the legs of the cow so that it cannot move and then sucks it, in such wise that it almost dries it up. In the time of Claudius the Emperor, there was killed, on the Vatican Hill, one which had inside it a boy, entire, that it had swallowed.

The wild boar.

This beast cures its sickness by eating of ivy.

The wild bull.

The wild bull having a horror of a red colour, the hunters dress up the trunk of a tree with red and the bull runs at this with great frenzy, thus fixing his horns, and forthwith the hunters kill him there.

The camel.

The camel is the most lustful animal there is, and will follow the female for a thousand miles. But if you keep it constantly with its mother or sister it will leave them alone, so temperate is its nature.

The Bactrian [camels] have two humps; the Arabian [camels] one only. They are swift in battle and most useful to carry burdens. This animal is extremely observant of rule and measure, for it will not move if it has a greater weight than it is used to, and if it is taken too far it does the same, and suddenly stops and so the merchants are obliged to lodge there.

The cameleon.

This lives on air, and there it is the prey of all the birds; so in order to be safer it flies above the clouds and finds an air so rarefied that it cannot support the bird that follows it.

At that height nothing can go unless it has a gift from Heaven, and that is where the chameleon flies.

This creature always takes the colour of the thing on which it is resting, whence it is often devoured together with the leaves on which the elephant feeds.

The caterpillar.

The caterpillar, which by means of assiduous care is able to weave round itself a new dwelling place with marvellous artifice and fine workmanship, comes out of it afterwards with painted and lovely wings, with which it rises towards Heaven.

The catoblepas.

It is found in Ethiopia near to the source Nigricapo. It is not a very large animal, is sluggish in all its parts, and its head is so large that it carries it with difficulty, in such wise that it always droops towards the ground; otherwise it would be a great pest to man, for any one on whom it fixes its eyes dies immediately.

The cerastes.

This has four movable little horns; so, when it wants to feed, it hides under leaves all of its body except these little horns which, as they move, seem to the birds to be some small worms at play. Then they immediately swoop down to pick them and the Cerastes suddenly twines round them and encircles and devours them.

The cock.

Cheerfulness is proper to the cock, which rejoices over every little thing, and crows with varied and lively movements.

The cock does not crow till it has thrice flapped its wings; the parrot in moving among boughs never puts its feet excepting where it has first put its beak.

The crane.

The cranes are so faithful and loyal to their king, that at night, when he is sleeping, some of them go round the field to keep watch at a distance; others remain near, each holding a stone in his foot, so that if sleep should overcome them, this stone would fall and make so much noise that they would wake up again. And there are others which sleep together round the king; and this they do every night, changing in turn so that their king may never find them wanting.

The crocodile.

This animal catches a man and straightway kills him; after he is dead, it weeps for him with a lamentable voice and many tears. Then, having done lamenting, it cruelly devours him. It is thus with the hypocrite, who, for the smallest matter, has his face bathed with tears, but shows the heart of a tiger and rejoices in his heart at the woes of others, while wearing a pitiful face.

This [the crocodile] is found in the Nile, it has four feet and lives on land and in water. No other terrestrial creature but this is found to have no tongue, and it only bites by moving its upper jaw. It grows to a length of forty feet and has claws and is armed with a hide that will take any blow. By day it is on land and at night in the water. It feeds on fishes, and going to sleep on the bank of the Nile with its mouth open, a bird called trochilus, a very small bird, runs at once to its mouth and hops among its teeth and goes pecking out the remains of the food, and so inciting it with voluptuous delight tempts it to open the whole of its mouth, and so it sleeps. This being observed by the ichneumon it flings itself into its mouth and perforates its stomach and bowels, and finally kills it.

The crocodile is a terror to those that flee, and a base coward to those that pursue him.

The dolphin.

Nature has given such knowledge to animals, that besides the consciousness of their own advantages they know the disadvantages of their foes. Thus the dolphin understands what strength lies in a cut from the fins placed on his chine, and how tender is the belly of the crocodile; hence in fighting with him it thrusts at him from beneath and rips up his belly and so kills him.

The turtle-dove.

The turtle-dove is never false to its mate; and if one dies the other preserves perpetual chastity, and never again sits on a green bough, nor ever again drinks of clear water.

The dragon.

This creature entangles itself in the legs of the elephant which falls upon it, and so both die, and in its death it is avenged.

These go in companies together, and they twine themselves after the manner of roots, and with their heads raised they cross lakes, and swim to where they find better pasture; and if they did not thus combine they would be drowned, therefore they combine.

The eagle.

It is said of the eagle that it is never so hungry but that it will leave a part of its prey for the birds that are round it, which, being unable to provide their own food, are necessarily dependent on the eagle, since it is thus that they obtain food.

The eagle when it is old flies so high that it scorches its feathers, and Nature allowing that it should renew its youth, it falls into shallow water. And if its young ones cannot bear to gaze on the sun; it does not feed them with any bird, that does not wish to die. Animals which much fear it do not approach its nest, although it does not hurt them. It always leaves part of its prey uneaten.

The elephant.

The huge elephant has by nature what is rarely found in man; that is Honesty, Prudence, Justice, and the Observance of Religion; inasmuch as when the moon is new, these beasts go down to the rivers, and there, solemnly cleansing themselves, they bathe, and so, having saluted the planet, return to the woods. And when they are ill, being laid down, they fling up plants towards Heaven as though they would offer sacrifice. They bury their tusks when they fall out from old age. Of these two tusks they use one to dig up roots for food; but they save the point of the other for fighting with; when they are taken by hunters and when worn out by fatigue, they dig up these buried tusks and ransom themselves.

They are merciful, and know the dangers, and if one finds a man alone and lost, he kindly puts him back in the road he has missed, if he finds the footprints of the man before the man himself. It dreads betrayal, so it stops and blows, pointing it out to the other elephants who form in a troop and go warily.

These beasts always go in troops, and the oldest goes in front and the second in age remains the last, and thus they enclose the troop. Out of shame they pair only at night and secretly, nor do they then rejoin the herd but first bathe in the river. The females do not fight as with other animals; and it is so merciful that it is most unwilling by nature ever to hurt those weaker than itself. And if it meets in the middle of its way a flock of sheep it puts them aside with its trunk, so as not to trample them under foot; and it never hurts any thing unless when provoked. When one has fallen into a pit the others fill up the pit with branches, earth and stones, thus raising the bottom that he may easily get out. They greatly dread the noise of swine and fly in confusion, doing no less harm then, with their feet, to their own kind than to the enemy. They delight in rivers and are always wandering about near them, though on account of their great weight they cannot swim. They devour stones, and the trunks of trees are their favourite food. They have a horror of rats. Flies delight in their smell and settle on their back, and the beast scrapes its skin making its folds even and kills them.

When they cross rivers they send their young ones up against the stream of the water; thus, being set towards the fall, they break the united current of the water so that the current does not carry them away. The dragon flings itself under the elephant's body, and with its tail it ties its legs; with its wings and with its arms it also clings round its ribs and cuts its throat with its teeth, and the elephant falls upon it and the dragon is burst. Thus, in its death it is revenged on its foe.

The ermine.

The ermine out of moderation never eats but once in the day; it will rather let itself be taken by the hunters than take refuge in a dirty lair, in order not to stain its purity.

Moderation checks all the vices. The ermine will die rather than besmirch itself.

The falcon.

The falcon never preys but on large birds; and it will let itself die rather than feed on little ones, or eat stinking meat.

The falcon, by reason of its haughtiness and pride, is fain to lord it and rule over all the other birds of prey, and longs to be sole and supreme; and very often the falcon has been seen to assault the eagle, the Queen of birds.

The gold-finch.

The gold-finch is a bird of which it is related that, when it is carried into the presence of a sick person, if the sick man is going to die, the bird turns away its head and never looks at him; but if the sick man is to be saved the bird never loses sight of him but is the cause of curing him of all his sickness.

Like unto this is the love of virtue. It never looks at any vile or base thing, but rather clings always to pure and virtuous things and takes up its abode in a noble heart; as the birds do in green woods on flowery branches. And this Love shows itself more in adversity than in prosperity; as light does, which shines most where the place is darkest.

The fox.

The fox when it sees a flock of herons or magpies or birds of that kind, suddenly flings himself on the ground with his mouth open to look as he were dead; and these birds want to peck at his tongue, and he bites off their heads.

The grasshopper.

This silences the cuckoo with its song. It dies in oil and revives in vinegar. It sings in the greatest heats

The hippopotamus.

This beast when it feels itself over-full goes about seeking thorns, or where there may be the remains of canes that have been split, and it rubs against them till a vein is opened; then when the blood has flowed as much as he needs, he plasters himself with mud and heals the wound. In form he is something like a horse with long haunches, a twisted tail and the teeth of a wild boar, his neck has a mane; the skin cannot be pierced, unless when he is bathing; he feeds on plants in the fields and goes into them backwards so that it may seem, as though he had come out.

The hoopoes.

The virtue of gratitude is said to be more [developed] in the birds called hoopoes which, knowing the benefits of life and food, they have received from their father and their mother, when they see them grow old, make a nest for them and brood over them and feed them, and with their beaks pull out their old and shabby feathers; and then, with a certain herb restore their sight so that they return to a prosperous state.

The hare.

The hare is always frightened; and the leaves that fall from the trees in autumn always keep him in terror and generally put him to flight.

The ibis.

This bird resembles a crane, and when it feels itself ill it fills its craw with water, and with its beak makes an injection of it.

The ichneumon.

This animal is the mortal enemy of the asp. It is a native of Egypt and when it sees an asp near its place, it runs at once to the bed or mud of the Nile and with this makes itself muddy all over, then it dries itself in the sun, smears itself again with mud, and thus, drying one after the other, it makes itself three or four coatings like a coat of mail. Then it attacks the asp, and fights well with him, so that, taking its time it catches him in the throat and destroys him.

The iaculus.

This lies on trees, and flings itself down like a dart, and pierces through the wild beast and kills them.

The kite.

We read of the kite that, when it sees its young ones growing too big in the nest, out of envy it pecks their sides, and keeps them without food.

The lamb.

We see the most striking example of humility in the lamb which will submit to any animal; and when they are given for food to imprisoned lions they are as gentle to them as to their own mother, so that very often it has been seen that the lions forbear to kill them.

Lions, panthers and tigers.

These keep their claws in the sheath, and never put them out unless they are on the back of their prey or their enemy.

The lion.

The lion is never afraid, but rather fights with a bold spirit and savage onslaught against a multitude of hunters, always seeking to injure the first that injures him.

This animal, [the lion] with his thundering roar, rouses his young the third day after they are born, teaching them the use of all their dormant senses and all the wild things which are in the wood flee away.

This may be compared to the children of Virtue who are roused by the sound of praise and grow up in honourable studies, by which they are more and more elevated; while all that is base flies at the sound, shunning those who are virtuous.

Again, the lion covers over its foot tracks, so that the way it has gone may not be known to its enemies. Thus it beseems a captain to conceal the secrets of his mind so that the enemy may not know his purpose.

This animal, [the lion] which is so terrible, fears nothing more than the noise of empty carts, and likewise the crowing of cocks. And it is much terrified at the sight of one, and looks at its comb with a frightened aspect, and is strangely alarmed when its face is covered.

The lioness.

When the lioness defends her young from the hand of the hunter, in order not to be frightened by the spears she keeps her eyes on the ground, to the end that she may not by her flight leave her young ones prisoners.

The lizard.

This, when fighting with serpents eats the sow-thistle and is free.

The lumerpa.

This is found in Asia Major, and shines so brightly that it absorbs its own shadow, and when it dies it does not lose this light, and its feathers never fall out, but a feather pulled out shines no longer.

The macli.

This beast is born in Scandinavia. It has the shape of a great horse, excepting that the great length of its neck and of its ears make a difference. It feeds on grass, going backwards, for it has so long an upper lip that if it went forwards it would cover up the grass. Its legs are all in one piece; for this reason when it wants to sleep it leans against a tree, and the hunters, spying out the place where it is wont to sleep, saw the tree almost through, and then, when it leans against it to sleep, in its sleep it falls, and thus the hunters take it. And every other mode of taking it is in vain, because it is incredibly swift in running.

The mole.

The mole has very small eyes and it always lives under ground; and it lives as long as it is in the dark but when it comes into the light it dies immediately, because it becomes known; and so it is with lies.

The ostrich.

This bird converts iron into nourishment, and hatches its eggs by its gaze; Armies under commanders.

The screech-owl and the owl.

These punish those who are scoffing at them by pecking out their eyes; for nature has so ordered it, that they may thus be fed.

The oyster.

This creature, when the moon is full opens itself wide, and when the crab looks in he throws in a piece of rock or seaweed and the oyster cannot close again, whereby it serves for food to that crab. This is what happens to him who opens his mouth to tell his secret. He becomes the prey of the treacherous hearer.

The panther.

This beast after its bowels have fallen out will still fight with the dogs and hunters.

The panther in Africa.

This has the form of the lioness but it is taller on its legs and slimmer and long bodied; and it is all white and marked with black spots after the manner of rosettes; and all animals delight to look upon these rosettes, and they would always be standing round it if it were not for the terror of its face; therefore knowing this, it hides its face, and the surrounding animals grow bold and come close, the better to enjoy the sight of so much beauty; when suddenly it seizes the nearest and at once devours it.

The partridge.

Although partridges steal each other's eggs, nevertheless the young born of these eggs always return to their true mother.

This bird [the partridge] changes from the female into the male and forgets its former sex; and out of envy it steals the eggs from others and hatches them, but the young ones follow the true mother.

The peacock.

As regards this vice, we read that the peacock is more guilty of it than any other animal. For it is always contemplating the beauty of its tail, which it spreads in the form of a wheel, and by its cries attracts to itself the gaze of the creatures that surround it.

And this is the last vice to be conquered.

The pelican.

This bird has a great love for its young; and when it finds them in its nest dead from a serpent's bite, it pierces itself to the heart, and with its blood it bathes them till they return to life.

The phoenix.

The phoenix which, knowing that by nature it must be resuscitated, has the constancy to endure the burning flames which consume it, and then it rises anew.

The pigeons.

Pigeons are a symbol of ingratitude; for when they are old enough no longer to need to be fed, they begin to fight with their father, and this struggle does not end until the young one drives the father out and takes the hen and makes her his own.

The raven.

Sadness resembles the raven, which, when it sees its young ones born white, departs in great grief, and abandons them with doleful lamentations, and does not feed them until it sees in them some few black feathers.

When it has killed the Chameleon it takes laurel as a purge.

The salamander.

This has no digestive organs, and gets no food but from the fire, in which it constantly renews its scaly skin.

The salamander, which renews its scaly skin in the fire; for virtue.

The scorpion.

Saliva, spit out when fasting will kill a scorpion. This may be likened to abstinence from greediness, which removes and heals the ills which result from that gluttony, and opens the path of virtue.

The serpent.

The serpent is a very large animal. When it sees a bird in the air it draws in its breath so strongly that it draws the birds into its mouth too. Marcus Regulus, the consul of the Roman army was attacked, with his army, by such an animal and almost defeated. And this animal, being killed by a catapult, measured 123 feet, that is 64 1/2 braccia and its head was high above all the trees in a wood.

The snake.

This creature when it wants to renew itself casts its old skin, beginning with the head, and changing in one day and one night.

The spider.

The spider brings forth out of herself the delicate and ingenious web, which makes her a return by the prey it takes.

The stag.

These creatures when they feel themselves bitten by the spider called father-long-legs, eat crabs and free themselves of the venom.

The stork.

This bird, by drinking saltwater purges itself of distempers. If the male finds his mate unfaithful, he abandons her; and when it grows old its young ones brood over it, and feed it till it dies.

The swallow.

The swallow is always in movement, since it cannot endure the smallest discomfort.

This [the swallow] bird gives sight to its blind young ones by means of celandine.

The swan.

The swan is white without any spot, and it sings sweetly as it dies, its life ending with that song.

The syren.

The syren sings so sweetly that she lulls the mariners to sleep; then she climbs upon the ships and kills the sleeping mariners.

The tarantula.

The bite of the tarantula fixes a man's mind on one idea; that is on the thing he was thinking of when he was bitten.

The tiger.

This beast is a native of Hyrcania, and it is something like the panther from the various spots on its skin. It is an animal of terrible swiftness; the hunter when he finds its young ones carries them off hastily, placing mirrors in the place whence he takes them, and at once escapes on a swift horse. The panther returning finds the mirrors fixed on the ground and looking into them believes it sees its young; then scratching with its paws it discovers the cheat. Forthwith, by means of the scent of its young, it follows the hunter, and when this hunter sees the tigress he drops one of the young ones and she takes it, and having carried it to the den she immediately returns to the hunter and does the same till he gets into his boat.

The toad.

The toad feeds on earth and always remains lean; because it never eats enough:-- it is so afraid lest it should want for earth.

The toad flies from the light of the sun, and if it is held there by force it puffs itself out so much as to hide its head below and shield itself from the rays. Thus does the foe of clear and radiant virtue, who can only be constrainedly brought to face it with puffed up courage.

The unicorn.

The unicorn, through its intemperance and not knowing how to control itself, for the love it bears to fair maidens forgets its ferocity and wildness; and laying aside all fear it will go up to a seated damsel and go to sleep in her lap, and thus the hunters take it.

The viper.

She, in pairing opens her mouth and at last clenches her teeth and kills her husband. Then the young ones, growing within her body rend her open and kill their mother.

The vulture.

The vulture is so addicted to gluttony that it will go a thousand miles to eat a carrion [carcase]; therefore is it that it follows armies.

The weasel.

This beast finding the lair of the basilisk kills it with the smell of its urine, and this smell, indeed, often kills the weasel itself.

This, [the weasel] when chasing rats first eats of rue.

The wolf.

When the wolf goes cunningly round some stable of cattle, and by accident puts his foot in a trap, so that he makes a noise, he bites his foot off to punish himself for his folly.

Adapted from The Notebooks of Leonardo da Vinci.

Saturday 22 March 2008

Wedding anniversaries

Years - Traditional gift - Modern gift.
1 - paper - clocks
2 - cotton - china
3 - leather - crystal/glass
4 - fruit/flowers - appliances
5 - wood - silverware
6 - sugar/iron - wood
7 - wool/copper - desk set
8 - bronze/pottery - linen/lace
9 - pottery/willow - leather
10 - tin/aluminium - diamond jewellery
11 - steel - fashion jewellery
12 - silk/linen - pearls
13 - lace - textiles
14 - ivory - gold jewellery
15 - crystal - watches
16 - ~ - silverware
17 - ~ - furniture
18 - ~ porcelain
19 - ~ - bronze
20 - china - platinum
21 - ~ - brass
22 - ~ - copper
23 - ~ - silverplate
24 - ~ - musical instruments
25 - silver - silver
26 - ~ - original art
27 - ~ - sculpture
28 - ~ - orchids
29 - ~ - furniture
30 - pearl - diamond
31 - ~ - timepieces
32 - ~ - conveyances
33 - ~ - amethyst
34 - ~ - opal
35 - coral - jade
36 - ~ - bone china
37 - ~ - alabaster
38 - ~ - tourmaline
39 - ~ - lace
40 - ruby - ruby
41 - ~ - land
42 - ~ - improved real estate
43 - ~ - travel
44 - ~ - groceries
45 - sapphire - sapphire
50 - gold - gold
55 - emerald - emerald
60 - diamond - diamond
65 - blue sapphire - star sapphire, grey
70 - platinum - ~
80 - ~ - diamond, pearl
85 - ~ - diamond, sapphire
90 - ~ - diamond, emerald
95 - ~ - diamond, ruby
100 - ~ - diamond

Thursday 20 March 2008

Any connection?

I did something quite rare today: I watched the news. Two things caught my attention:

1. More and more maternity hospitals are turning away expectant mothers in labour. (Of course we already know that they are turning away sick people in droves.)

2. The war in iraq is costing... £1bn a year.

I wonder... Are the two somehow connected?

Click here for more information.

Saturday 15 March 2008

You have been warned...

  • "Caution: The contents of this bottle should not be fed to fish." -- On a bottle of shampoo for dogs.
  • "For external use only!" -- On a curling iron.
  • "Warning: This product can burn eyes." -- On a curling iron.
  • "Do not use in shower." -- On a hair dryer.
  • "Do not use while sleeping." -- On a hair dryer.
  • "Do not use while sleeping or unconscious." -- On a hand-held massaging device.
  • "Do not place this product into any electronic equipment." -- On the case of a chocolate CD in a gift basket.
  • "Shin pads cannot protect any part of the body they do not cover." -- On a pair of shin guards made for bicyclists.
  • "This product not intended for use as a dental drill." -- On an electric rotary tool.
  • "Caution: Do not spray in eyes." -- On a container of underarm deodorant.
  • "Do not drive with sunshield in place." -- On a cardboard sunshield that keeps the sun off the dashboard.
  • "Caution: This is not a safety protective device." -- On a plastic toy helmet used as a container for popcorn.
  • "Do not use near fire, flame, or sparks." -- On an "Aim-n-Flame" fireplace lighter.
  • "Do not eat toner." -- On a toner cartridge for a laser printer.
  • "Not intended for highway use." -- On a 13-inch wheel on a wheelbarrow.
  • "May irritate eyes." -- On a can of self-defense pepper spray.
  • "Eating rocks may lead to broken teeth." -- On a novelty rock garden set called "Popcorn Rock."
  • "Caution! Contents hot!" -- On a Domino's Pizza box.
  • "Caution: Hot beverages are hot!" -- On a coffee cup.
  • "Warning: May contain small parts." -- On a frisbee.
  • "Do not use orally." -- On a toilet bowl cleaning brush.
  • "Please keep out of children." -- On a butcher knife.
  • "Not suitable for children aged 36 months or less." -- On a birthday card for a 1 year old.
  • "Do not use for drying pets." -- In the manual for a microwave oven.
  • "For use on animals only." -- On an electric cattle prod.
  • "For use by trained personnel only." -- On a can of air freshener.
  • "Keep out of reach of children and teenagers." -- On a can of air freshener.
  • "Remember, objects in the mirror are actually behind you." -- On a motorcycle helmet-mounted rear-view mirror.
  • "Warning: has been found to cause cancer in laboratory mice." -- On a box of rat poison.
  • "Look before driving." -- On the dash board of a mail truck.
  • "Do not iron clothes on body." -- On packaging for an iron.
  • "Do not drive car or operate machinery." -- On Boot's children's cough medicine.
  • "For indoor or outdoor use only." -- On a string of Christmas lights.
  • "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." -- On a child sized Superman costume.
  • "Beware! To touch these wires is instant death. Anyone found doing so will be prosecuted." -- On a sign at a railroad station.
  • "Do not turn upside down." -- On the bottom of a supermarket dessert box.
  • "Not for human consumption." -- On a package of dice.
  • "May be harmful if swallowed." -- On a shipment of hammers.
  • "Do not attempt to stop the blade with your hand." -- In the manual for a Swedish chainsaw.
  • "Warning: May contain nuts." -- On a package of peanuts.
  • "Do not eat if seal is missing." -- On said seal.
  • "Remove occupants from the stroller before folding it."
  • "Warning: May cause drowsiness." -- On a bottle of Nytol, a brand of sleeping pills.
  • "Warning: Misuse may cause injury or death." -- Stamped on the metal barrel of a .22 calibre rifle.
  • "Do not use orally after using rectally." -- In the instructions for an electric thermometer.
  • "Turn off motor before using this product." -- On the packaging for a chain saw file, used to sharpen the cutting teeth on the chain.
  • "Not to be used as a personal flotation device." -- On a 6x10 inch inflatable picture frame.
  • "Do not put in mouth." -- On a box of bottle rockets.
  • "Not dishwasher safe." -- On a remote control for a TV.
  • "Do not put lit candles on phone." -- On the instructions for a cordless phone.
  • "Warning! This is not underwear! Do not attempt to put in pants." -- On the packaging for a wristwatch.

Saturday 8 March 2008

It's all true. Or is it?

We live in an age of science - an age of reason. We don't believe in angels or demons, or anything else 'supernatural'. We believe we have outgrown such childish fables. We believe we know the truth.

But, as I have found, some of the 'truths' which are taken for granted and passed down from generation to generation aren't true. They are old wives' tales. They are myths. And sometimes they are lies. These 'truths' are told by the ignorant, and those who should know better.

Here is a list of these 'truths', and each one has a link for those who continue to believe in them:

Reading in poor light can damage your eyes. True?
A duck's quack doesn't echo. True?
Moths eat clothes and mothballs keep them away. True?
On average people swallow five spiders per year in their sleep. True?
Science has proved the it is aerodynamically impossible for a bumblebees to fly. True?
Honey is healthier than sugar. True?
Spinach contains large amounts of iron. True?
Over the counter cough medicines work. True?
Vitamin C can prevent and cure colds. True?
Caligula promoted his horse to consul. True?
Nero fiddled while rome burned. True?
The Titanic was described by her owners as 'unsinkable'.
True?
The Mary Celeste was found abandoned in mysterious circumstances. True?
"Ring-a-ring-o'roses" is about the Black Plague. True?
The Hindenburg exploded due to hydrogen combustion. True?
Marie Antoinette said "Let them eat cake" True?
The modern toilet was invented by Thomas Crapper. True?
Newton discovered the law of gravity when an apple fell on his head. True?
Thomas Edison invented the electric light bulb. True
Bats are blind. True?

Most, if not all, of these 'truths' are believed by people in the same way that they believe that the earth goes around the sun.

Perhaps these stories fail to go away because myths and fables are part of who we are as a species?

Saturday 1 March 2008

The wisdom of Leonardo da Vinci.

  • Art is never finished, only abandoned.
  • As a well-spent day brings happy sleep, so a life well spent brings happy death.
  • As every divided kingdom falls, so every mind divided between many studies confounds and saps itself.
  • Beyond a doubt truth bears the same relation to falsehood as light to darkness.
  • Blinding ignorance does mislead us. O! Wretched mortals, open your eyes!
  • Common Sense is that which judges the things given to it by other senses.
  • For once you have tasted flight you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skywards, for there you have been and there you will long to return.
  • He who loves practice without theory is like the sailor who boards ship without a rudder and compass and never knows where he may cast.
  • He who wishes to be rich in a day will be hanged in a year.
  • I have been impressed with the urgency of doing. Knowing is not enough; we must apply. Being willing is not enough; we must do.
  • I love those who can smile in trouble, who can gather strength from distress, and grow brave by reflection. 'Tis the business of little minds to shrink, but they whose heart is firm, and whose conscience approves their conduct, will pursue their principles unto death.
  • Iron rusts from disuse; water loses its purity from stagnation... even so does inaction sap the vigour of the mind.
  • It had long since come to my attention that people of accomplishment rarely sat back and let things happen to them. They went out and happened to things.
  • It's easier to resist at the beginning than at the end.
  • Just as courage imperils life, fear protects it.
  • Learning never exhausts the mind.
  • Nature never breaks her own laws.
  • Nothing strengthens authority so much as silence.
  • Our life is made by the death of others.
  • Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication.
  • The greatest deception men suffer is from their own opinions.
  • The noblest pleasure is the joy of understanding.
  • The smallest feline is a masterpiece.
  • The truth of things is the chief nutriment of superior intellects.
  • There are three classes of people: those who see, those who see when they are shown, those who do not see.
  • Time stays long enough for anyone who will use it.
  • Water is the driving force of all nature.
  • Where the spirit does not work with the hand, there is no art.
  • Where there is shouting, there is no true knowledge.
  • Who sows virtue reaps honor.
  • You can have no dominion greater or less than that over yourself.
  • You do ill if you praise, but worse if you censure, what you do not understand.