A Lexicon of Polari

Polari glossary
Word - Definition
ajax - nearby (from adjacent?)
aunt nell - listen, hear
aunt nells - ears
aunt nelly fakes - earrings
balonie - rubbish
batts - shoes
bevvy - drink (beverage)
bijou - small/little (means "cute" or "jewel" in French)
blag - pick up
bod - body
bold - daring
bona - good
bona nochy - goodnight (from Italian - buona notte)
bonaroo - wonderful, excellent
bungery - pub
buvare - a drink (from Italian - bere or dialectal Italian - bevere or Lingua Franca bevire
cackle - talk/gossip
camp - effeminate
capello/capella - hat (from Italian - cappello)
carsey - toilet, also spelt khazi
charper - to search
charpering omi - policeman
chicken - young boy
clobber - clothes
cod - naff, vile
cove - friend
crimper - hairdresser
dinarly - money (thought to be derived from "Dinari")
dish - butt(ocks)
dog and bone - telephone
dolly - pretty, nice, pleasant
dona - woman (perhaps from Italian donna or Lingua Franca dona)
drag - clothes, esp. women's clothes
doss - bed
ecaf - face (backslang)
eek - face (abbreviation of ecaf)
ends - hair
esong - nose (backslang)
fantabulosa - fabulous/wonderful
feele/freely/filly - child/young
fruit - queen
funt - pound
gelt - money (Yiddish)
glossies - magazines
handbag - money
hoofer - dancer
jarry - food, also mangarie (from Italian mangiare or Lingua Franca mangiaria)
kaffies - trousers
khazi - toilet, also spelt carsey
lacoddy - body
lallies - legs
latty/lattie - room, house or flat
lills - hands
lilly - police (Lilly Law)
lyles - legs
lucoddy - body
luppers - fingers
mangarie - food, also jarry (from Italian mangiare or Lingua Franca mangiaria)
martinis - hands
measures - money
meese - plain, ugly (from Yiddish "meeiskeit, in turn from Hebrew מָאוּס repulsive, loathsome, despicable, abominable)
meshigener - nutty, crazy, mental (from Yiddish, in turn from Hebrew מְשֻׁגָּע crazy)
metzas - money
mince - walk (affectedly)
naff - awful, dull, hetero
nanti - not, no, none
national handbag - dole, welfare, government financial assistance
nishta - nothing, no (from Yiddish נישטא - "there isn't")
ogle - look, admire
ogles - eyes
oglefakes - glasses
omi - man (from Romance)
omi-palone - effeminate man, or homosexual
onk - nose (cf "conk")
orbs - eyes
palare pipe - telephone ("talk pipe")
palliass - back
park - give
plate - feet; to fellate
palone - woman
palone-omi - lesbian
pots - teeth
riah/riha - hair (backslang)
riah zhoosher - hairdresser
scarper - to run off (from Italian scappare, to escape or run away)
schlumph - drink
schmutter - clothes
scotch - leg (scotch egg=leg)
screech - mouth, speak
sharpy - policeman
sharpy polone - policewoman
shush - steal (from client)
shush bag - hold-all
shyker/shyckle - wig (mutation of the Yiddish sheitel)
slap - makeup
stimps - legs
stimpcovers - stockings, hosiery
strides - trousers
strillers - piano
switch - wig
thews - thighs
tober - road
todd (Sloanne) - alone
troll - to walk about (esp. looking for trade)
vada/varder - to see (from Italian - vedere)
vardered - vardering
vera (lynn) - gin
vogue - cigarette
vogueress - woman smoker
yews - from French "yeux") eyes
zhoosh - style hair, tart up, mince
zhoosh - our riah style our hair
zhooshy - showy.

More information on Polari can be found here

Desiderata

Desiderata.

Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.

Funny cats

Doctor's Notes

Actual doctor's comments on patients' charts.

• She has had no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.
• The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1983.
• The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
• Discharge status: Alive but without permission.
• The patient refused an autopsy.
• The patient has no past history of suicides.
• The patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital.
• The patient's past medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.
• The patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
• Since she can't get pregnant with her husband, I thought you would like to work her up.
• She is numb from her toes down.
• While in the ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.
• The skin was moist and dry.
• Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.
• The patient was alert and unresponsive.
• Rectal exam revealed a normal size thyroid.
• She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until 1989 when she got a divorce.
• I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.
• Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.
• Exam of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
• The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
• The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stockbroker instead.
• Skin: Somewhat pale but present.
• The pelvic examination will be done later on the floor.
• The patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Blank, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.
• Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.
• The patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.
• The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of gas and crashed.
• The baby was delivered, the cord clamped and cut, and handed to the pediatrician, who breathed and cried immediately.
• The patient lives at home with his mother, father, and pet turtle, who is presently enrolled in day care three times a week.
• Coming from Detroit, this man has no children.
• Examination reveals a well-developed male lying in bed with his family in no distress.
• When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.
• By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he was feeling better.
• The patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
• On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it had completely disappeared.
• Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year-old male, mentally alert but forgetful.
• The patient expired on the floor uneventfully.
• She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December.
• The patient was released to outpatient department without dressing.
• The patient will need disposition, and therefore we will get Dr. Blank to dispose of him.

A stress management technique

1. Picture yourself near a stream.
2. Birds are softly chirping in the cool mountain air.
3. No one but you knows your secret place.
4. You are in total seclusion from the hectic place called "the world".
5. The soothing sound of a gentle waterfall fills the air with a cascade of serenity.
6. The water is crystal clear.
7. You can easily make out the face of the person you're holding underwater.

See! You're smiling already...

The Good Wife's Guide

From Housekeeping Monthly, 13 May, 1955.

Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready on time for his return. This is a way of letting him know that you have be thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they get home and the prospect of a good meal is part of the warm welcome needed.

Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so you'll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh-looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people.

Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it.

Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives. Run a dustcloth over the tables.

During the cooler months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too. After all, catering to his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction.

Minimize all noise. At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer or vacuum. Encourage the children to be quiet.

Be happy to see him.

Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him.

Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first - remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours.

Don't greet him with complaints and problems.

Don't complain if he's late for dinner or even if he stays out all night. Count this as minor compared to what he might have gone through at work.

Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or lie him down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him.

Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice.

Don't ask him questions about his actions or question his judgment or integrity. Remember, he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness. You have no right to question him.

A good wife always knows her place.