Real doctor's notes - Amazing

The following quotes were taken from actual medical records, as dictated by physicians.

• The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stock broker instead.
• Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
• Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.
• I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.
• She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until she got a divorce.
• Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.
• Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.
• Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
• Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Blank, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.
• By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he was feeling better.
• Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
• On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it had completely disappeared.
• The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1983.
• The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
• Discharge status: Alive but without my permission.
• Healthy-appearing decrepit 69-year-old male, mentally alert but forgetful.
• The patient refused an autopsy.
• The patient has no past history of suicides.
• The patient expired on the floor uneventfully.
• Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital.
• The patient's past medical history has been remarkably insignificant, with only a 40-pound weight gain in the past three days.
• She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December.
• Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.
• The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of fuel and crashed.
• She is numb from her toes down.
• The skin was moist and dry.
• Patient was alert and unresponsive.
• When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.
• She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.
• While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.
• I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.
• The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
• Skin: somewhat pale, but present.
• The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.
• Large brown stool ambulating the hall.
• Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities