Medical abbreviations they don't tell you about.

APD - Acute Prozac Deficiency (depression)
AFU & BR - all f***ed up & beyond repair
AHF - Acute Hissy Fit
APTFRAN - Apply Pillow To Face, Repeat As Necessary (for annoying patient)
AQR - Ain’t Quite Right
AST - Assuming Seasonal Temperature (dead)
ATFO - Asked To F*** Off
AWTB/AWTF - Away With The Birds/Away With The Fairies; a patient who is totally confused
BFH - Brat From Hell (usually accompanied by PFH - Parent(s) from Hell)
BTFOM - Beats The F*** Outta Me
BVA - Breathing Valuable Air
BWS - Beached Whale Syndrome
CHAOS - Chief Has Arrived On Scene
CRAFT - Can't Remember A F***ing Thing
CTD - Circling The Drain (see: Close To Death)
DOASTW - Dead On Arrival, and Stayed That Way
DRT - Dead right there
DRTTTT - Dead Right There, There, There, and There - (used after pedestrian/train altercations)
DYRTIGAF - Do You Really Think I Give A (hmmm...)
FD - f***ing drunk
FDGB - Fall Down, Go Boom
FIBD - Found In Bed Dead
FINE - F***ed up, insecure, neurotic & emotional
FITH - F***ed in the head
FORD - Found On Road Dead
FUBAR - Fouled/Fucked Up Beyond All Recognition/Redemption
FUBAR BUNDY - Fouled/Fucked Up Beyond All Recognition/Redemption But Unfortunately Not Dead Yet
GACP - Gravity Assisted Concrete Poisoning - jumped/fell from height
GOMA - Get out of My Ambulance
GOMER = Get Out of My Emergency Room
HBD (or SBD) - (S)he Be Dead
HUA - Head Up Ass
IBM - Incredible Barfing Man
JAR or JAR Syndrome – Just Ain’t Right (often used when a patient has multiple issues)
Journal of Anecdotal Medicine - Davourite, but unwritten, source of medical wisdom
LASGLH - Lights and sirens, go like hell
LFTWM - Looking for 3 Wise Men (applied to young pregnant females who deny having had intercourse)
MARPs - Mind Altering Recreational Pharmaceuticals
NFN - Normal for Norfolk
NFPA - No F***ing Practical Application
PEP - Pharmaceutically Enhanced Personality - stoned or medicated
Please Consult Us If New Issues Arise - Please never page me again
PIA - Pain In the Ass
PITA - Pain In The Ass
SEP - Somebody else’s problem
SHPOS - Sub-Human Piece of S***
SNEFS - Sub-Normal Even For Suffolk
SSDD - Same Sh*t Different Day
SWAG - Scientific Wild Ass Guess
TMB - Too Many Birthdays (old folks home)
TMI - Three Meaningless Initials (e.g. John Smith, TMI - applied to medics with qualifications rather than ability)
TTFO - Told To F*ck Off
TTOAST - Take Them Out and Shoot Them
ULPP - Unlicensed Pharmaceutical Provider (drug dealer)
WOMBAT - Waste Of Money, Brains And Time